Dale's Tales # 1 / / Dale Moore
Well, well, well. Look who it is reading the musically inclined sex column. BUSTED! Just kidding, WELCOME! This just happens to be my virginal run at this type of thang, but trust me, you’ll enjoy it. The name’s Dale, Dale Moore. You may remember me from such blockbusters as ‘I Took Your Girlffriend to Mexico and We Ain’t Comin’ Back’, ‘My Tongue is Bigger Then Your…’ and ‘I Left My Dental Damn in Oklahoma’. Okay so that last one was a lie, I don’t own a dental damn, but it’s fine.
So, I’m queer, originally from Connecticut, but I’ve been running from the mundane, in-the-box place to, well to other boxes and cities. I’ve been in New York for over six years now where I have had at my fair share of close encounters with the ‘penial’ kind, kinky demands, journeys through deep Australian bush, and other escapades full of laughter, tears, wetting the bed and stains of all sorts. I am here to shed some light on the mysteries of whatever bedroom, restaurant, club bathroom, phone booth, or other random place you are meeting your tinder or grinder f*cks at and anecdotally get you through to your next probably similarly awkward or awful sexual experience.
Just to gain some street cred, I’ll indulge you in a short tale, and one of my personal favorites, from a bathroom a few months back. Actually, hold up, we just met so Well maybe I won’t share the entire story but it has a lot to do with a foot in the door leading to a three-some in a bathroom, a tall boy and a very dirty white hat. You can use your dirty imagination to fill in the rest. I have always have been a quick-kinda gal on the go so I’m gunna tone it down a tad and start you off easy, just like Sunday morning. The playlist that follows is, you guessed it, my Sunday morning sex-list or as I dubbed it “Mellow F*ck”. Not to be confused with my “Butter Up and Fuck” playlist which is typically reserved for evenings and weekends aka times where I am already several adult beverages in the hole.
So here it is ladies and gentlemen, in a very particular order to enjoy the not-so-gradual build up of Sunday morning sex…
Blood Orange – ‘Champagne Coast’
Not only a great song to wake up to but a great song to start making out to. Dev’s voice will get you in the mood and the smooth instrumentals only support his quest to get you laid.
Flight Facilities - Crave you Feat. Giselle
Crave and be craved. This song has always been a favorite and winds up on most of my chill mixes. Just lay back or playfully dance around your room together to this one. It will always make you feel super sexy.
Jeremih – ‘Fuck you All The Time’ Ft Natasha Mosely
Kind of enough said but the title, but also, by this time in the playlist if you haven’t already hit foreplay hard pop this song on and it’s over hover.
Because I know what the ladies like...
I don’t think anyone can argue the drums, synths and chilling vocals of this and pretty much every knife song cannot be beat in or out of the bedroom.
Another of my favorite bands. Don’t fight it, let Beach House take you there.
This brother sister combo have it going on. For all those dirty minds out there I have one thing to say to you, keep it up. Wild Belle is what’s up, great vocals and I love the use of sax in any love making situation, or any situation for that matter.
Blackfeet Braves - Trippin Like I Do
Just found out about these guys and they are dope. Added them to the list in a hurry, and what a solid addition. Their 70s surfer rock feel never disappoints.
The Smiths - This Charming Man
Or any Smiths song for that mtter. Duh.
This haunting track speeds it up a bit and is a great transition from the Smiths. Ladytron is a BOSS. She definitely is not ‘sorry’ about this track and you won’t be either.
Last but not least the ultimate in sex, Jamiroquai, will also make you feel your sexiest. Get in there kids!
I know this is a short list but some of us have shit to do on Sundays like Home Depot and laundry. Feel free to add on for those of you spending the entire Sunday in bed only to stop for champagne and a light snack. Until next time, make mom proud and GET SOME!
