Tuesday April 29, 2014

Free Wine

white wine, red wine, rum wine.

At the National Arts Club.

Let’s play word association-

Free wine:

Raine Trainor- “Every day.”

Nick Sethi- “Free Willy.”

Priscilla Jeong- “Fuck yea.”

Chloe Wise- looking for wine, “please?”

Douglas James- “I’m on my fifth pint of beer.”

Me- “Why I am drinking rum?”

I am here for “It’s an Invasion” and looking around for aliens, there are none. The mission: drink as much free wine as possible. The failure: both free wine and free beer ran out before 9pm. Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get it On” is playing, “I lost my virginity to this song,” my friend tells me. Let’s get you some wine, girl.

Give it a go-around and my favorite piece: Chanel branded black basketball blowing smoke like a G; artist, Priscilla Jeong’s piece, “Did My Soap Expire Yesterday?” That title serves up some serious National Arts Club realness. The members here throw out their soap at least a week before it expires. Priscilla hand painted the white Chanel logo and off the record I advise you to “capitalize” on that skill.

Sometimes Priscilla works with fireplaces, sometimes with fountains.

Always, Priscilla: Queen of the Word Association.

Strip club buffets- “glasses.” Internet- “stocking.” James Franco- “black shot glass.”

Raine Trainor and Aria McManus’ piece, “Viral” mimics a Glade wall plug-in and is secretly assaulting all of us with pheromones.

Aria and Raine are touching humans as the invisible oils are emitted into the air. Pop a pheromone I’m sweatin’ and red faced, thank you gurls. They’ve bullseyed the invasive conceptual experience encouraged by “It’s an Invasion.” According to Raine, she is holding herself personally responsible for the gallery goers’ pheromone induced coitus tonight.

Aria will you associate: Strip Club Buffets- “Crusty Rice.”

Crusty rice and pheromones, is that a promise or a threat?

Raise your hand if you like holograms. Me.

I walked by Adam Rossiter’s piece, “Weapons," a DEAesque lineup of guns and knives arranged on a beige sterile table. Keep walking. Focus. Oh look it’s morphing into a precise organization of dildos. I plan on staying here for at least ten minutes- back and forth- dildos, knives; dildos, knives. Adam took both of the photos at an open-air market in Bangkok, “you know, the ones,” he says, “with Viagra on sale next to Rolexes.” I imagine that’s exactly what the black-market basement of the Republican National Convention looks like.

Logical next step, word association: Carbon Tax- “excuse me?”

Excuse me Santa why are you barfing streamers? It’s surprisingly calming for those with Emetophobia.

Petra Collins’ “Hahahaga” neon iMessage bubble light installation reminds us all that life’s better when you can communicate via signage. Is there one, “jajajaka” for my mom? She’s Hispanic.

Chloe Wise’s primary internet interface is “Google Chrome” and I rely on little internet speak but we all should trust Ms. Wise’s internet choices.

God to think I would ever feel Internet Nostalgia but Chloe Wise does It well. Very certain I am not the only one who wishes she was in the show. Chloe screams longevity…. LONGEVITY! ART!

“Art doesn’t pay, you have to find a hustle,” says Douglas James. Ok so inebriated and thinking about OG Kush.

I assumed that owning a jacket with infinite pockets defined success. Not according to Nick Sethi, “If I had corduroy walls in every show I’d know I’ve made it as a successful artist.”

Much is to be said in the theoretical department about this show: the significance of the location, the youth radiating from these fresh arteests. But, this is Free Wine and Free Wine is leisure.

Have you heard about the women who break milk bottles with their vaginas? Time to go home for grandma. Next conquest: milk bottles irl.

Must ask, “Have you heard about these women?” Adam Rossitier, “No, but I want to meet them.”