(I BEGIN SEEING) (MY FRIEND ANNE’S DOCTOR)
          or The Recorded Sessions

I BEGIN: In interest of time
       Dr. Huxtable,
       I’ll make this brief;
       Four—no
       Five—years have passed,
       Five summers
       Since we last
       Encountered on the beach
       A resort, I remember
       And nothing, any longer
       No, nothing
       surprises me
       What surprises me is
       No—Nothing
       Though, there is something
       I haven’t told you
       About that time
       In life so—let us begin
       again
       as, how shall I say it? Amigos.

I BEGIN: Dr. Huxtable,
       From my position here, I can see
       —It is
       —You see, to see you…it is
       Stunning
       —In this light?
       —How appealing…
       the way it [gesture]…
       across your face
       —Designed that way
       by principle
       —Across your brow, I mean
       your bookshelves, your
       mounted degrees
       et cetera
       —It is…[gesture]
       —It allows… [gesture]
        It allows my current anxiety
       a future re-assignment, which calms
       my soul [gesture]
       in preparation for
       a next life,
       a later date, perhaps
       —When needing it most
       —Perhaps
       —[gesture]

I BEGIN: Dr. Huxtable,
       —I’ve never [gesture]
       —I've been meaning…
       to tell you, dreaming
       in metaphors
       of the strangest type & sequence
       extended vital love-dreams of men
       defenestrating the bedroom
       window of my apartment,
       I can't remember where
       —You mean...
       —I can't remember
       which apartment
       —Or why?
       —No.
       I can't remember the root
       cause; or why
       Watching
       a German film the other day
       just something I'd found online, nothing
       really; Delphine something or other
       played   of course
       the lead of course
       something of here
       some sort of there...
       —To a degree…
       —A parable to a degree
       a fabulous parable
       set in Buenos Aires,
       where still I've never been:
       where imagining myself
       is hardly even possible
       and in the lead role?...fuck.
       —Never the less
       —How appealing
       —Yes, of course, to be Delphine.
       —Yes, still
       —Yes
       —My imaginings,
       these transferences
       while watching a movie
       barely paying any attention
       barely any at all
       Not seems not
       unrelated
       to my current dissatisfactions
       with my daily sense of personal achievement
       but of course, Dr. Huxtable
       I'm no professional.

I BEGIN: Dr. Huxtable,
       The dinner wasn't even thrown
       for me! It was for my sister!
       How humiliating to be walked-in on
       found striking my name from each of the
       balloons,
       the balloons! For Chrissake!
       and being forced
       in the moment
       to change my entire
       mind about the evening
       and how it would unfold
       gracelessly
       over time, battering
       minute by minute
       until we could all go home
       and lie the moonless night
       awake for hours more?

I BEGIN: Dr. Huxtable,
       —Can we speak plainly
       —Simply, ordinarily
       overtly [gesture]
       —Do you have a boyfriend? [gesture]
       someone who is close to you?
       —For instance [gesture]
       —Yes,
       —I'm sorry, yes. I know I owe you an answer on this
       but, Doctor
       is there any real way
       to speak directly
       in consideration of the heart
       which is not direct, nor plain
       nor beats a regular moment
       to moment even now I feel mine
       flutter in exploration terra icognita
       —A manner of speaking about...
       —The Pacific, of course
       —The Pacific, that suspicious large mass
       which widens
       —The uninhabited matter
       that contracts
       —Has sparked in me a surge
       of feeling
       —Ever since moving to LA
       Los Angeles
       something about the tide
       its choppy bosom and gold
       something teeth [gesture] reflecting a
       some sort-of pattern
       plainly put, doctor: it calls me
       back, repeatedly:
       Hey, woman
       [gesture]
       —Perhaps you'd like to swim.
       submerge, immerse?
       —That's not right to say
       but say it once more
       differently
       —Here’s to say: "The body that can possibly fuck me
       is no longer the one
       that can't be fucked with." You see?
       —Riffing without complexity
       or consequence, doctor. Before long
       we'll all be dead.
       —That's plainly put.

I BEGIN: Dr. Huxtable
       I have come to realize
       This is a story about a girl named Lucky
       —Everyone in your position
       seems to feel
       a sense of privilege
       from time to time
       it is remarkable, we see
       we over estimate our comparative incomes
       for instance, we, I… 
       —I believe I belong
       to the upper middle class
       though I do not
       —I, I am rich, but I do not feel it
       that way
       —In what way
       —Do you enjoy your resources?
       —Yes, as in to
       take pleasure in my resourcefulness
       —But do you enjoy
       —The feeling of
       [gesture]
       in your hands, your pocket-books, your book-
       cases…
       —I don't mean to be contrarian,
       I mean contradict
       explicitly
       —I don't mean to be a...
       a... excuse me, doctor
       let’s change the subject.
       —No, totally
       We've got an entire ah... a...
       afternoon [pause]
       Now you have me doing it.
       [gesture]

CHARLES GARIEPY is a poet & performer in New York and curator of Rat Court, a reading series in the city.  He also develops original content for television.