Are you the hero? I'm one of the heroes. Ya. Ya, Can we talk to you; do you mind? What do you wanna talk about? What happened today. Well, went straight outta Dogtown, skateboarding, surfing it up―Before I say anything else I wanna say no matter what you done you deserve respect, even if you make mistakes you lovable, and, it doesn't matter your look, skills or age or size or anything: you're worthwhile. No one can ever take that away from you. Now, this stuff right here, I was driving and uh well pfffffffffffffffff―I was in the passenger-side of this fucker's car, and, he comes over on there; he was over by the recycling center he says, “Oh when I was in the Virgin Islands, 30 years old on a business trip or, uh I uh I, I fucked this 14 year old” I was like, “you what?” He was like, "I raped this 14 year―” he starts crying, gives me a big hug. He's like a fuckin 300 pound guy I'm like, “holy shit! You must be fuckered, man.” Like, what's he talking about? I didn't take him seriously at first. He comes driving around this way, he's like “ya know what? I come to realize, I'm Jesus Christ and I can do anything I fuckin want to.” And, “Watch thi―” BAM! And he smashed into this fuckin guy right there, pinned him in between that fucking truck, and, so, I fuckin, I hop out I look over the guy's pinned there, I mean like, freight train riders know this: like if you get pinned between something, do not fucking move that shit, otherwise you'll bleed out. Like, motherfuckin, I I ran in I grabbed the keys, he's fuckin sitting there like nothing even happened; and like, fucking like man, if he had started driving that car around again man, there would a been a hell a lot a bodies around here. Fuckin, I hop on out, and so. I grab the bag. I threw it over by that pole right there, and then fucking, buddy gets out and these two women are trying to help him; he runs up and he grabs one of them, man, like a guy that big can snap a woman's neck like a pencil stick. So I fuckin ran up behind him with a hatchet.SMASH.SMASH.SA MASH.Yea...The lady said that you saved her life. She was the one who got grabbed by that fucker. And You know what? Fuck his cool. That guy ain't. Shit… How did you get in his car or how did you― I was hitchhiking. I was, oh well good thing I was hitchhiking. Ya, people say: don't hitchhike, well this is what happens, ya well, at least I was here. So he did this on purpose... DUDE! That guy was fucking kooked out man. Like, he's beyond howling[sic], like I don't even see any breath in him, you know what I'm saying Can I get your name, and where you're from, if you don't mind? I'm Kai. Can I get the spelling― Straight outta Dogtown, K-A-I. Do you have a last name? No, bro. I don't have anything. And where are you from originally? Are you from the Fresno area? Sophia, West Virginia. How old are you? I can't call it. Have you ever experienced anything like today and what made you take the actions that you did? That woman was in danger; he just finished uh, what looked like at the time, killing somebody, and if I hadn't of done that he would of killed more people. So… He's dead… Good…You ever experience anything like that, Kai? Well this one time, I was in an orchard. And this fucking guy starts, starts beating on this woman who he calls his. So, I walked on over and I started smashing him in the head. I ka― You see all these? You see all these teethmarks right here for the camera? Ya. I started smashing him in the head and in the teeth ― busted out all his teeth ― motherfuckin, the sheriffs, not the policey enforcers, fuckin show up, and start like, uh, they're like, “ya so, what, what happened? I mean like, uhh, just give me any old name and just gimme old uh, fucking, birthdate, whatever, just… Ya…” From the accident till now where have you been? Well, he started, he started following I, like: I cleaved his motherfucking head wide open with a hatchet. He stood up like he was pulled right up, right? And like fuckin, I'm like, I'm like bro, if you're fuckin Jesus Christ, I'll be the AntiChrist man, like fuck that shit. And he starts following me off this way, so I figure I'll lure him right― away from the crowd… So I'm running off this way, I, I gotta I gotta hatchet in one hand, motherfuckin, um, this bag I'm carrying over, with another hand, and I start running off that way, and so, uh a couple of the people who was bystanders to it came over and told me to stop, and I was like, “why stop?” And they're like, “the cops are already on their way.” I was like, “is he back up and doing anything?” And then somebody said that he was like masturbating in front of this school in fucking, whatever this place is right here. Yeah… Were you questioned by police? Were you taken into custody? What happened, I mean obviously― I was question― I was, I was put into the back of the uh, sheriff's wagon, it wasn't the policies that fuckin, pulled that over, you know what I'm saying? Ya, so like, I got put in the back of the uh, sheriff's wagon ― the sheriff was like, “what happened here?” He took down a statement; I told him everything I just told you, and, fucking, um, let me on out, and said I couldn't grab all this stuff until uh, I had, I had, finished, like, they had finished with something, you know what I mean? And, like brought me back on over here so I could be in front of this thing like, this fuckin car right here. It was fuckin' gnarly man. Holy shit. It was like the biggest wave I've ever ridden in my life… What's next for you, Kai? Hopefully some surfing. I uh, if, if anybody's watching this somewhere else, and they gotta, a Mini Mal that they could lend a guy, with a wetsuit, I'd love to test out [lacuna]. Would you do it again? Club him in the head with a hatchet? You know, if I could go back in time, I'd go back over, to where I was at that recycling center and he said that he had raped that chick over in the Virgin Islands, cause it doesn't matter where you at, if you can fuckin, just spend a bunch of money and do whatever the fuck you want, you know? That's not right. If I, If I could go back in time, I would of dialed him up right there. It doesn't seem like you have any concern for yourself, you're all about, I mean, doing the right thing, and and not even worrying about, Kai first. I don't have any family. Like, as far as, as far as anybody I grew up with is concerned, I'm already dead, so, whatever.
ALEJANDRO CRAWFORD is a writer and interactive media artist living in Brooklyn, NY. He is a former Fulbright Scholar to Portugal, a graduate of ITP at NYU, and visual director for the band MGMT. Selected poetry publications include: Morpheu(BlazeVOX 2009), Wasted (Sous Rature 3ssue), Milk (Dandelion, Performance Machine), BHO (EOAGH, ed. Tan Lin), 7CV Chinese Edition(s) (Edit Publications), poemfield3 (GaussPDF), Nautilis (P Queue Vol. 10).